Transformers: Age of Extinction.
Ok *sharpens critical knives*, I will quickly say that I went into my showing of Michael Bay's latest desperately wanting to enjoy it, I really did. So, now that I've got that unfortunate controversy out of the way and created a nice, unbiased atmosphere we can begin.
It was shit. There were some positives sure but it was mostly awful. Firstly, I'd never have thought that a film would bore me with explosions. CONSTANT EXPLOSIONS. Sometimes I think to myself that maybe Michael Bay is on a personal crusade to somehow spawn better quality Summer Blockbusters by drowning his in a sickening amount of fake, unrealistic and unecessary eye candy. If Dawn of the Planet of the Apes is anything to go by, it's working a treat. Keep up the good work Michael! Also, every last shot I swear is taking a pervy Michael Bay-look up Nicola Peltz's impossibly short denim shorts (nicely pointed out by father Mark Wahlberg). How was X-men director Bryan Singer caught up in a sexual harassment scandal when Michael Bay consistently hires actresses for the sole purpose of just "being there". To clarify my opinion on this matter, I swear to you there was absolutely no point whatsoever in having Nicola Peltz's character in this movie. Or her pathetically cheesy "Oirish boyfriend" for that matter. I mean she's insanely hot, the guy in me sees that clearly, but that wins you zilch brownie points in the film industry Michael.
All these bad points and it's looking pretty grim for Extinction, but don't worry! We have Dinobots to look forward to! NO WE DON'T!!! Saying the Dinobots played a meaningful part in Age of Extinction is like saying Brazil played a meaningful part against Germany in the World Cup semi-final. When I went into the showing I had it in my head that Grimlock and the Dinobots held the key to me giving the movie a positive rating. My god was I let down. You what I have to ruin this part for to fully explain my meaning. You don't see the Dinobots truly until over two hours into this monstrosity. TWO. WHOLE. HOURS. Cinema goers left frustrated by Gareth Edwards' Godzilla should count their blessings. We don't even get a proper explanation as to how these Cybertronians came about. Ok, yes we do get an opening scene set 65 million years in the past, but the introduction 2 hours later is so rushed and clumsy it feels like the anti-climax of the century.
Mark Wahlberg does provide at least some respite, with his acting clearly surpassing all those around him. Some genuinely funny moments during the first act did give me some hope that the terrible regurgitated "humour" of the previous Transformer movies had been extinguished. What a fool I was. If anything it's back with a vengeance and vastly outweighs the few kick-ass moments. So many utterly pointless characters with, frankly, no development to their names. It was almost too much for me at one point.
There must be something I've missed out, umm. Ummm. Oh! I liked the intergalactic assassin Lockdown. He was badass. With allegiance to neither Autobot nor Decepticon, I had hoped for him to slay every last one of the wastes of space this diabolical mess had already thrown at me.
Verdict: 4/10
Transformers: Age of Extinction has left a bad taste in my mouth. The build-up to this film actually hade me genuinely excited at one point, I mean I love the Transformers, I grew up with them, but once again Michael Bay has obliterated film-making as an artform. Temporarily at least, as Guardians of the Galaxy and Interstellar are still to make their entrance.
Ok *sharpens critical knives*, I will quickly say that I went into my showing of Michael Bay's latest desperately wanting to enjoy it, I really did. So, now that I've got that unfortunate controversy out of the way and created a nice, unbiased atmosphere we can begin.
It was shit. There were some positives sure but it was mostly awful. Firstly, I'd never have thought that a film would bore me with explosions. CONSTANT EXPLOSIONS. Sometimes I think to myself that maybe Michael Bay is on a personal crusade to somehow spawn better quality Summer Blockbusters by drowning his in a sickening amount of fake, unrealistic and unecessary eye candy. If Dawn of the Planet of the Apes is anything to go by, it's working a treat. Keep up the good work Michael! Also, every last shot I swear is taking a pervy Michael Bay-look up Nicola Peltz's impossibly short denim shorts (nicely pointed out by father Mark Wahlberg). How was X-men director Bryan Singer caught up in a sexual harassment scandal when Michael Bay consistently hires actresses for the sole purpose of just "being there". To clarify my opinion on this matter, I swear to you there was absolutely no point whatsoever in having Nicola Peltz's character in this movie. Or her pathetically cheesy "Oirish boyfriend" for that matter. I mean she's insanely hot, the guy in me sees that clearly, but that wins you zilch brownie points in the film industry Michael.
All these bad points and it's looking pretty grim for Extinction, but don't worry! We have Dinobots to look forward to! NO WE DON'T!!! Saying the Dinobots played a meaningful part in Age of Extinction is like saying Brazil played a meaningful part against Germany in the World Cup semi-final. When I went into the showing I had it in my head that Grimlock and the Dinobots held the key to me giving the movie a positive rating. My god was I let down. You what I have to ruin this part for to fully explain my meaning. You don't see the Dinobots truly until over two hours into this monstrosity. TWO. WHOLE. HOURS. Cinema goers left frustrated by Gareth Edwards' Godzilla should count their blessings. We don't even get a proper explanation as to how these Cybertronians came about. Ok, yes we do get an opening scene set 65 million years in the past, but the introduction 2 hours later is so rushed and clumsy it feels like the anti-climax of the century.
Mark Wahlberg does provide at least some respite, with his acting clearly surpassing all those around him. Some genuinely funny moments during the first act did give me some hope that the terrible regurgitated "humour" of the previous Transformer movies had been extinguished. What a fool I was. If anything it's back with a vengeance and vastly outweighs the few kick-ass moments. So many utterly pointless characters with, frankly, no development to their names. It was almost too much for me at one point.
There must be something I've missed out, umm. Ummm. Oh! I liked the intergalactic assassin Lockdown. He was badass. With allegiance to neither Autobot nor Decepticon, I had hoped for him to slay every last one of the wastes of space this diabolical mess had already thrown at me.
Verdict: 4/10
Transformers: Age of Extinction has left a bad taste in my mouth. The build-up to this film actually hade me genuinely excited at one point, I mean I love the Transformers, I grew up with them, but once again Michael Bay has obliterated film-making as an artform. Temporarily at least, as Guardians of the Galaxy and Interstellar are still to make their entrance.
